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Thread: The Monkey Story

  1. #1
    Ex-Druid Monk-in-Training
    Join Date
    Sep 2005

    Default The Monkey Story


    I like monkeys.

    The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
    odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
    look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

    I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
    name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
    bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
    Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

    I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
    environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
    high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
    spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

    Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
    they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
    Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
    cheap monkeys.

    I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
    room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
    like I had 200 throw rugs.

    I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
    Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

    I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
    a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real

    I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
    to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

    I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
    there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
    them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
    it didn't all go bad.

    I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
    extinguish the fire.

    Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
    my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
    wasn't improving.

    I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
    bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

    I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
    allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
    one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
    frozen ones.

    I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
    friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
    them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
    the genitals.

    I like monkeys
    "Corpse humping monkeys that live in vans down by the river can be edumacational too."

  2. #2
    Ex-Druid Monk-in-Training
    Join Date
    Oct 2005


    Thanks for the headache......

    Interesting imagination you have there, though

  3. #3
    Enlightened Grandmaster
    Join Date
    Oct 2004


    omg thanks for the laugh! great imagination

  4. #4
    Banned Stone Fist
    Join Date
    Jan 2003


    Welcome to 1999

  5. #5
    Ex-Druid Monk-in-Training
    Join Date
    Sep 2005


    Yeah, didn't intend for it to be thought of as mine. I just happen to like it.
    "Corpse humping monkeys that live in vans down by the river can be edumacational too."

  6. #6
    Druid in disguise Newbie Monk
    Join Date
    Jul 2009


    Very funny an imaginative!!!

  7. #7
    Ascendant Stone Fist
    Join Date
    Oct 2006


    This is like the spam-bot hub for posting lulz.
    Kajok Tainted`Scale the Outcast

    Quote Originally Posted by Ughbash View Post
    Kajok is still a dick.
    Quote Originally Posted by Elidroth View Post
    you're NOT behind, you're just tuned differently.

  8. #8
    Apostle Master
    Join Date
    Oct 2005


    I somehow missed this piece of "imaginative "humour!

    Really made me chuckle as I have a clogged kitchen garbage disposal/drain and its being worked on - no monkey just parsley!!

    Originally Rodcet Nife merged with Quellious and now Povar

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