A young Writer, Should I write the sequals?

Journals of Destiny-Prelude.

A new Disciple Born



One by one, the kingdoms would rise, and then fall. this was the fate of all within the world of Marthin. One scholar had come to realize this deep-rooted secrete of the gods, and thus was put within the realm of the damned by the gods themselves. this is the story of his son, Zamkel of the Ebony Fist.



The teenage boy awoke within a dark room, his screams, which escaped his pale lips during his sleep, still echoed through the old house which he lived in his entire life. He had experienced the horror of his fathers abduction over again in his dreams, nearly ten years after it had happened.



After what seemed to be hours the boy's door flung open and he fell from his bed as his friend's voice filled the room. "Zamkel! What is wrong!?" yelled out Borkaz, Zamkel's sorcerer companion.



"Nothing, calm down my old friend," assured Zamkel.



"All right, you worried me though."



Zamkel chuckled, " 'Was just a dream." The man stood and began walking to his dresser and began to dress himself.



The time was now noon as Zamkel and Borkaz stood together in the town square. Many people were gathering to witness the sacrifice of Rasain, a ritual to bestow godlike accuracy with the ancient shurakins and incredible speed with one's limbs. The one chosen for this ritual was none other than Zamkel.



Our hero now stepped on the ancient platform, preparing to sacrifice memories. The priest performing the ritual began to chant and the platform would come to glow. After hours of chanting the platform shook violently, and a beam of blinding light struck down upon the man, encompassing Zamkel.



After the light faded, Zamkel stood there dressed in baggy black clothing. This clothing was touched into straps at the waits, studded leather bracers, and black combat boots. Imbedded within his waist straps were the ancient shurakins, and upon his fists were metal gloves with three short claws on each that came out from the backs of his fists.



"Father!? Father!? Arghh!! Father, where are you!?" and the ran off. This, my friends, is where the story begins.







Well, that is the prelude.



Next to come:

Journals of Destiny-Part 1

The enemy is revealed-The Quest Begins.



Well, should I continue this series? Start on another? Just give up on writing?



Give me your feedback, I don't wanna go set up an account with angelfire for this if I don't have to..



Okay, just found the Spell Check button. Now spellchecked.


</p>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub38.ezboard.com/bmonklybusiness43508.showLocalUserPublicProfile?lo gin=raginfistthesagely>Raginfist the Sagely</A> at: 1/18/02 12:38:42 am

Not trying to be a jerk, but I would suggest using spellcheck.



Kaicee Kii

<Visions>


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Aye, I have to agree. the incorrect spellings made me more critical of the piece than I normally would be.



People tend to be more harsh when they have to attempt a guess at some of the words.






Sarenity 51 Monk - Cazic Thule - Ordained

no matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick of her crap</p>

There is a spell check button right next to the submit button.






Jaka ("") - 56 Iksar Monk of Solusek Ro

Blood of Ro</p>

[fangfoo]

Dude keep writing if you love it. Storytelling is an art and requires lots of practice.



The spelling thing is kind of important so I'd heed the above advice even though it probably feels kind of rough on you.



Peace.



**No to be exact you spell checked it after you published it and then read peoples comments here. When I read it 20 minutes ago it was full of errors.



/EM Fangfoo points to post below and wonders what happend to the spell check there.





http://aequa.willenskraft.com/images/EQ/eejag.gif</p></p>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub38.ezboard.com/ufangfoo.showPublicProfile?language=EN>fangfoo</A> at: 1/18/02 1:06:29 am

Fang, I did spellcheck..=)..But have been writing, I have like 7 giant notebooks full ot stories, but I wanna write something to post on the internet..


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[Alexyi]

Writings a wonderful thing. Just understand your character as much as possible, read through your stories several times and if your going to do it professionally get a really good editor.



Most of all, if you like doing it. Its GOOD! Write for yourself, not for others. If they enjoy it, Awsome! Keep posting em. Whatever the result, keep writing.



Spellcheckers and Grammer Checkers are not always right. It irks the shit out of me when I use the word Maam' and spellchecker keeps suggesting Mama or something else. If I see another "Fragment, consider revising" Im going to scream! Everything you need to know about grammer is on the School House Rock - Grammer CD. "Conjunction Junction, Whats your Function?"






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Okay, considering that people don't seem to get what I am asking is...

Do you like the story, and would you be interested in reading sequals to it? I'm thinking about doing this professionally if I get good enough. And I just want feedback on the first story I've publically posted. Though this is short, I can garuntee that none of the others will be.


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[fangfoo]

Alex, just in case you don't know but I'm sure you do.



You can edit your personal dictionary. You can add all those words in one fell swoop that you use that would not normally be found in standard dictionary.



Sorry RTS but your sample is far too small to properly judge if I really want to read more of it. And honestly this really isn't the proper forum.



www.eqvault.com (httP://www.eqvault.com) covers links to fan fiction and that is your best bet for quality feedback.


</p>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub38.ezboard.com/ufangfoo.showPublicProfile?language=EN>fangfoo</A> at: 1/18/02 3:03:42 am

<blockquote>Quote:<hr> I'm thinking about doing this professionally if I get good enough<hr></blockquote>I recomend that you get the book "Elements of Style" by William Strunk. Or, if you don't want to spend money, you can read it online at www.bartleby.com/141/ (http://www.bartleby.com/141/)



Yes, the book is old, but the information is invaluable for the would-be writer, and will help you avoid common mistakes.






Jaka ("") - 56 Iksar Monk of Solusek Ro

Blood of Ro</p>

Raginfist, please don't take offence at this. I'm going to give you feedback like I'd give to my students.....



Your grammatical style needs some work, it is 'loose'

'began walking to the dresser and began dressing himself'.

The sudden leap from dressing himself to it being now 'noon'.

Also the part-sentence 'And the platform would come to glow'.



The descriptive element of your work is also lacking. I don't know whether you are trying to get a two page introduction into a few lines or whether that is simply your style; however events in the story seem to be fairly 'jumpy' i.e the scenes aren't very well linked. Also the charaters themselves don't quite have the depth you'll find in a great deal of 'professional' work.



For example Zamkel is a teenage boy with pale lips.....and what else? Borkaz is his companion and is a sorcerer...but what else? Male, female, short, tall, dark, hairy etc.



I know further description will follow and too much description is as much of a problem as too little description, but in my personal opinion, yours falls just below the border and has an 'empty' feel to it.



Finally please keep an eye on consistency, Zamkel is a boy and yet he has an 'Old Friend'? He is a boy and yet 'The man stood and began walking...'?



I'm really sorry to point this out, but you did ask for feedback! <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/frown.gif ALT=":(">



All this being said, I'm a picky bugger at the best of times, but you are as you say a young writer(I'm guessing 15-18 from your work), just setting out. I've been doing the same for over ten years and (boasting now) outside academic work have even been paid for some of my fiction <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif ALT=":)"> . Over this time my style has changed and evolved yours will do exactly the same.



WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT STOP WRITING, not unless you don't enjoy it any more. The only way to improve is to practice. Please submit more work, but maybe you should consider posting it onto a web-ring for writers as well so you can get the feedback from people who are aspiring authors themselves as well. (I shadow a lot of those, but I promise to be nice in the future!)



Good luck!



Priti

<img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif ALT=":)">


</p>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub38.ezboard.com/upritiliteswanderlust.showPublicProfile?language=E N>Pritilites Wanderlust</A> at: 1/18/02 5:16:12 am

Pritilies, this is EXACTLY what I was looking for.



I thank you for your feedback.



I am actually 13 years old.



But all in all, Thank you for your feedback.


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[Fder]

Moving this over to the Stories forum.


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Thanks for Moving it Fder..=)..Was gonna request ya do it after I saw the stories forum.


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